According to Lise Bourbeau, all problems on the physical, emotional and mental levels are caused by five soul wounds. There are also five matching masks that we wear to hide them.
Wound of Rejection – Mask of Escape
Wound of Abandonment – Mask of Dependence
Wound of Breach of Trust – Mask of Control
Wound of Humiliation – Mask of Subservience
Wound of Injustice – Mask of Rigidity
The strength of the mask depends on the depth of the wound. Most of the time we suffer from two main wounds and other secondary wounds, which are activated in different situations of our lives. We all have the same life goal: to have experiences until we really accept them and learn to love ourselves.
The soul wounds arise in the first five years of life in four stages: in the first stage after birth, we are still ourselves: Divine Beings who want to experience themselves. In the second stage, we suffer from the realization that we cannot be as we are, because the world of adults around us does not accept this. In the third stage we rebel against the parents and get angry (despite the phase). Finally, in the fourth stage, we resign and decide to wear a mask so as not to lose the love of our parents and to avoid feeling the pain caused by not being allowed to be ourselves. The “ego” has thus taken over us and we have lost contact with our “true self”.
These soul wounds are so formative that they have a strong impact on our entire lives. All the important decisions we make in life, from partner choice to career, are based on avoiding this deepest pain of our soul wounds. Instead of dissolving the pain, people usually try to whitewash it, distract, or pretend he is nuprun. Many people have such deep wounds that they need to be accompanied intensively in order to get over this pain. It could be events in life that felt so serious that the subconscious would never voluntarily bring them back out. However, it is not necessary to relive this.
Here the 5 soul wounds are explained with their respective masks:
The Soul Wound of Rejection
Possible reasons for rejection: I am an unwanted child or do not have the desired gender. In the wound of rejection, the person concerned feels that he is being questioned, that he is not allowed to exist and considers himself worthless. That is why he will try by all means to be perfect in order to gain in value in his and the eyes of others. The love of the same-sex parent is important to him. Every remark of this parent is taken very important, and with the slightest disagreement he feels pushed away. He also struggles to express his own opinion because he fears being rejected. He often doesn’t confide with the same-sex parent since early childhood because he thinks he doesn’t understand him anyway. For him, understanding and loving means the same thing. But that is not the case. The wound of rejection is typically manifested by the fact that he tries to avoid situations in which he could be rejected in the first place: he cannot quite show himself as he is, looks at relationships even before the partner is chosen, that he chooses a partner who has at best the same wound and creates a mutual dependence. Or he’d rather be left alone. A person who has such a soul wound tends not to be able to assert his place and has little or no limits. He tends to bend and sacrifice for a partner. When rejected, he withdraws and flees. With this wound, it is difficult to live the true vocation and to stand in the public eye.
His biggest fear is panic. Our ego does everything possible to hide our wounds from ourselves. We are so afraid of relivethe of the pain of old wounds that we do not want to admit that we feel rejected because we reject ourselves. The people who make these feelings most in us should show us how little we respect ourselves. This guy has little appetite when he experiences strong feelings or fears plague him. The more you suffer from rejection, the more you reject yourself, other people, certain situations or projects. If the person concerned heals the wound and learns to accept himself, he stands firmer in his self-worth and authenticity.
The Soul Wound of Being Abandoned
Possible reasons for leaving: The mother takes more care of another child, both parents have little time for the child, longer stays in the hospital or periods of illness of the mother. This soul wound is often particularly deep, usually born in early childhood. This wound is lived out with the parent of the opposite sex. Most often, this wound is combined with the wound of rejection. Most of the time, they felt rejected first by the same-sex parent, and then let down by the other, hoping for support against the rejection. One of the most important reference persons, mother, father were suddenly gone. The too early separation of the mother as a premature birth or when the father works a lot, is constantly on the move. The lost twin can also be an issue in the first phase of pregnancy. A lost twin leaves incredibly deep traces. The wound is so severe that the person concerned has taken the mask of the addict to cover the wound. He feels he can’t deal with things alone and needs outside support. He is the type of character most often found in the victim role. The more a person rises in the role of victim, the more your soul suffers from the wound of being abandoned. Victims, however, also feel comfortable in the helper role.
This guy tends to become dependent on others so as not to be left alone. He can never get enough attention. Behind this lies the need to think that oneanother is important enough to receive the help of others. If he receives support from others, he feels valued and loved. Nevertheless, he is often heard saying that he cannot stand this or that. As is so often the case, this guy is one of the people who inflicts on others what they fear most. He is often branded lazy because he doesn’t like to do things alone. He endures a broken relationship for an unbelievably long time before he finally stops. His great fear is, “What will become of me when I am alone?” He is immensely adept at overlooking relationship problems. He prefers to believe that everything is in good order.
His greatest fear is loneliness, as he is afraid of not being able to survive alone. Sadness is the strongest feeling of the addict. In order to avoid this desolation, he seeks contact with other people as quickly as possible. The greater the wound of being abandoned, the more often you neglect yourself, let other people down or drop certain situations or projects. If the person who suffers heals the wound of being abandoned, he can show his true limits and his true self.
The Soul Wound of The Breach of Trust
Possible reasons for the breach of trust: Strong attachment of the child to the parent of the opposite sex (Oedipus complex) and the feeling that this parent has betrayed or manipulated. A person carrying this wound puts on the mask of the controlling person so as not to feel this wound. The body of this type demonstrates his power and power and seems to say: “I am responsible. You can trust me.” Since he deeply abhors any form of breach of trust, he makes every effort to be considered a responsible, strong, special and important person. If he becomes aware that he has not kept a promise, he will awkwardly apologize or use a lie to get out of a situation. He’s the guy with the greatest expectations because he wants to plan and monitor everything ahead. He tries to avoid confrontations in which he could lose control. He withdraws from people he thinks are stronger and faster, so that he does not have to measure himself against them. He is often talented and carries out tasks quickly. That’s why he has no patience with slower people. He tends to be impatient, to lie, manipulate and seduce, to fulfill his obligations and to define himself by performance, does not show his injuries, is difficult to trust and is skeptical. Controlling parents expect their children to work quickly and to express their opinions. If things don’t go according to plan, he can become angry and aggressive, even though he doesn’t see himself as an aggressive person. Rather, he sees himself as a strong character who knows how to assert himself and who does not allow himself to be fooled by others. He cannot bear it when others do not fulfil their obligations and hates delays. If he gets behind with a job, he gets very nervous.
The deeper the wound of the breach of trust, the more he wants to control things and control the future in order to rule out any kind of disappointment in advance. It is difficult for him to delegate work to others and to really trust them. He is by no means aware of how little he trusts others. Since he considers himself responsible and diligent, he cannot bear the “laziness” of others. It makes him mad to watch others do nothing. He does not show his vulnerability, as others could exploit this vulnerability. Wherever possible, he wants to be seen as brave, courageous and strong. He attaches great importance to his good reputation. If someone does or says anything that could affect this reputation, he experiences it as treason. He tries to control everything, especially the emotional world.
The greatest fear is the fear of separation and denial. He’s the guy who’s the hardest to deal with with a divorce. For him, it is a heavy defeat. If he blames them himself, he thinks he betrays the other and fears being presented as a traitor by all his acquaintances. If the other pushes for a separation, he naturally betrays him by doing so. But it is these people who experience the most separations and divorces. If they are afraid of tying themselves too tightly, then surely also because they are particularly afraid of a possible separation. That is why they often enter into relationships with partners who are already bound. In this way, they manage to hide themselves and the world that they themselves are afraid of too close relationships. Every form of separation is experienced by the inspector as an inner tear test. Virtually all inspectors also suffer from the wound of being abandoned. Healing requires a person who means so much to him that he cannot stand up to the feelings in the long run.
The Soul Wound of Humiliation
Possible reasons for the humiliation: Parents are ashamed that the child is so dirty or has done something bad. Here the person concerned has experienced things in which he has felt humiliated, humiliated or merely left out. This wound is experienced with the mother and is the soul wound that is most difficult to recognize by those affected. The humiliated child is marked by a sense of shame. It can’t make it “right” for the parents, is scolded, rebuked in a derogatory tone or beaten. As a protection, he soon puts on the mask of the submissive. In this mask he is ashamed of himself and for relatives, considers himself dirty and inferior. He tries to have a dignified demeanor because he thinks he is not worth being loved or respected. This guy wants to show strength of character and prove that he is not controlled by anyone. He can perform well by charging himself a lot of work. To do this, he needs a strong back to be able to put on all the burden. He tries to make himself useful wherever possible. But he always puts his own needs back, because as long as he helps others, he feels he doesn’t have to be ashamed, but he often feels exploited. If he is sacked, he says something: “After all these years of faithful service, they are throwing me out the door like a garbage can.”
He does not realize that he, for his part, degrades his fellow human beings by trying to make them feel that they cannot cope without him. As a child, his parents often told him that family matters were not something that anyone cares about. So he had to keep everything to himself. He is sensitive and therefore makes a great effort not to hurt others. As soon as he realizes that a person close to him is unhappy, he feels responsible for it. He does not realize that, with all the attention he pays to the feelings of his fellow human beings, he completely neglects his own. He inflicts suffering on himself by not listening to himself. Freedom means a lot to him. Especially as a child, he felt anything but free.
His greatest fear, however, is the fear of freedom, which is equated with unfetteredness, which is why he imposes himself constraints so as not to beat the strands. He unconsciously sets the course for his non-freedom. Maybe he no longer feels comfortable at home, as his wife watches over everything. So he creates two or three additional obligations in the evening to escape this situation. He thinks he has freed himself from his job, but has even less time for himself and his children than before. If he tries to free himself from a situation, he often only replaces you with other constraints. In this way he creates obligations in his daily life that do not correspond to his nature at all. These people have a strong sense of duty, tend to want to control everything in order to avoid possible humiliation. He mothers others, not necessarily out of love, but in order to make himself valuable and to have control here as well. He does not allow himself to dive into the emotional world, he is too busy with his mind. The more you suffer from humiliation, the more you humiliate yourself or other people by being ashamed of them or patronising them.
The Soul Wound of Injustice
Possible reasons for feeling unfairly treated: children suffer from the authority, criticism, rigor, intolerance, emotional cold ness or adaptation of the same-sex parent. He feels he is not respected or not getting what he is entitled to. As a mask, he puts on the mask of rigidity. Of course, suppressing feelings does not mean feeling no more. On the contrary, such people are very sensitive, but they try to hide this sensitivity from themselves and others by all means. They pretend that nothing can touch them. That’s why they seem cold and insensitive. The rigidisseeks justice and justice at all costs. His perfectionism is meant to help him always be right. He is convinced that he will do the right thing when he is perfect. From a very early age, he has the impression that he is valued more for what he does than for what he actually is. He is firmly convinced of this, even if this is by no means true. He is very powerful and demands so much from himself that the others expect a lot from him. He thinks he has to make himself useful all the time, takes little time for himself, feels guilty when others work, because they think that is unfair. Since he always strives for justice, he wants to make sure that everything he receives is really right for him.
He tends more than others to be dogmatic, because the good and the evil, the right and the wrong are fundamental values of his life. He is afraid of doing something wrong and wants to do everything right and perfect. In doing so, he completely escapes the fact that he is unfair to himself, because he demands far too much of himself. Their fear of mistakes often confronts them with situations in which they have to make decisions. For example, they hesitate for a long time before buying anything. Once they have decided to buy, they will make accusations and doubts will plague him after his election. He constantly wonders whether his decisions were good for him in every way. Because he wants everything to be perfect, he rarely asks others for help. He is a typical victim of burnout or professional exhaustion. He does not respect his own limits, reluctantly admits problems, is rarely sick and hard with his body. It can be very disciplined and able to endure a strict diet. Whenever he comes into contact with the pain he has experienced with injustice, he immediately lifts up the mask of rigidity and suppresses any feeling.
His greatest fear is the fear of emotional coldness. Thus he cannot accept his own or the emotional coldness of his fellow human beings. He considers himself warm-hearted and is unaware that he leaves an emotionally cold impression on others. He cannot admit this coldness, as he would consider it heartless and therefore unjust. That is why he desperately wants to hear from others that he is a good person who does good and is kind. If someone is cool about him, he immediately wonders what he might have done wrong.
How we heal our soul wounds
The aim is to heal these injuries and to return to our true self. However, it takes courage and maturity to face the learning tasks and heal these deep wounds. Only strong, mature souls begin to realize that it is a pointless game that the ego plays with us. They begin to awaken and begin to face the pain that is on their way to the true self.
The first step in healing a soul wound is to RECOGNIZE and ACCEPT it, but that does not have to mean agreeing with it. Perhaps you can also observe that we are initially attracted to people who are like us and suffer from the same wounds. This makes it easier for us to acknowledge ourselves. After a while, however, we see the mistakes of others and can no longer accept them as they are. We are trying to change them, but without realising that we are rejecting the very sides of the others that we least want to see in ourselves. Later in life, we usually encounter people or situations that reflect our soul wounds 1:1 and bring out all the pain of our soul wounds from us, which is very challenging but leads us into the healing of our soul wounds.
How do we know that our soul wounds heal? Quite simply, when the associated fears no longer determine our lives. The wound of rejection and the fear of panic heal when we allow ourselves the need to exist. The wound of being abandoned and the fear of loneliness heales when we allow ourselves the need to enter into our strength. The wound of humiliation and fear of freedom heals when we admit the need to be sensual and to enjoy. The wound of breach of trust and the fear of separation healwhen we admit the need to be vulnerable. The wound of injustice and the fear of the cold of feeling heals when we admit the need to set limits.
Knowing your soul wounds is one thing. They also overcome another. Take your chance and sign up with me for a free info conversation where I can listen to you and show you what your path to healing can look like.
Source: Lise Bourbeau, The 5 Soul wounds